Charles Dickens, Bleak House: Ch. 26

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"Ha ha!  Go on!" says Mr. George.

"My dear friend!  But that sword looks awful gleaming and sharp.  It might cut somebody, by accident.  It makes me shiver, Mr. George.  Curse him!" says the excellent old gentleman apart to Judy as the trooper takes a step or two away to lay it aside.  "He owes me money, and might think of paying off old scores in this murdering place.  I wish your brimstone grandmother was here, and he'd shave her head off."

Mr. George, returning, folds his arms, and looking down at the old man, sliding every moment lower and lower in his chair, says quietly, "Now for it!"

"Ho!" cries Mr. Smallweed, rubbing his hands with an artful chuckle.  "Yes.  Now for it.  Now for what, my dear friend?"

"For a pipe," says Mr. George, who with great composure sets his chair in the chimney-corner, takes his pipe from the grate, fills it and lights it, and falls to smoking peacefully.

This tends to the discomfiture of Mr. Smallweed, who finds it so difficult to resume his object, whatever it may be, that he becomes exasperated and secretly claws the air with an impotent vindictiveness expressive of an intense desire to tear and rend the visage of Mr. George.  As the excellent old gentleman's nails are long and leaden, and his hands lean and veinous, and his eyes green and watery; and, over and above this, as he continues, while he claws, to slide down in his chair and to collapse into a shapeless bundle, he becomes such a ghastly spectacle, even in the accustomed eyes of Judy, that that young virgin pounces at him with something more than the ardour of affection and so shakes him up and pats and pokes him in divers parts of his body, but particularly in that part which the science of self-defence would call his wind, that in his grievous distress he utters enforced sounds like a paviour's rammer.

When Judy has by these means set him up again in his chair, with a white face and a frosty nose (but still clawing), she stretches out her weazen forefinger and gives Mr. George one poke in the back.  The trooper raising his head, she makes another poke at her esteemed grandfather, and having thus brought them together, stares rigidly at the fire.

"Aye, aye!  Ho, ho!  U—u—u—ugh!" chatters Grandfather Smallweed, swallowing his rage.  "My dear friend!" (still clawing).

"I tell you what," says Mr. George.  "If you want to converse with me, you must speak out.  I am one of the roughs, and I can't go about and about.  I haven't the art to do it.  I am not clever enough.  It don't suit me.  When you go winding round and round me," says the trooper, putting his pipe between his lips again, "damme, if I don't feel as if I was being smothered!"

And he inflates his broad chest to its utmost extent as if to assure himself that he is not smothered yet.

"If you have come to give me a friendly call," continues Mr. George, "I am obliged to you; how are you?  If you have come to see whether there's any property on the premises, look about you; you are welcome.  If you want to out with something, out with it!"

The blooming Judy, without removing her gaze from the fire, gives her grandfather one ghostly poke.

"You see!  It's her opinion too.  And why the devil that young woman won't sit down like a Christian," says Mr. George with his eyes musingly fixed on Judy, "I can't comprehend."

"She keeps at my side to attend to me, sir," says Grandfather Smallweed.  "I am an old man, my dear Mr. George, and I need some attention.  I can carry my years; I am not a brimstone poll-parrot" (snarling and looking unconsciously for the cushion), "but I need attention, my dear friend."

"Well!" returns the trooper, wheeling his chair to face the old man.  "Now then?"

"My friend in the city, Mr. George, has done a little business with a pupil of yours."